You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
