How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
