you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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