Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize