Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
