i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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