Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
