i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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