If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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