did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The Olympian is in my bed
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