hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
