You really coming over, don't trick.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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