pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
