her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
