just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
