I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
