Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
