The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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