I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
