Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
two words...techno handjob
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
