The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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