Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
