South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
