And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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