So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
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you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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