apparently the secret to your success is patron
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
