i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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