bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
