captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That accounts for only three of the penises
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
