Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
