A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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