I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
