Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
