Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
