Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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