??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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