two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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