I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
