Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
