Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
