I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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