i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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