8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
