the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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