her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
