you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
