I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
