3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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