Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
