I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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