I'm lost and stupid without you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
