I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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