ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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