HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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