based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
