Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
