I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
