So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
