He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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