I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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