you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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