You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
