this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
