Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
