Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pants are for mortals
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
